Body 2.0

Yup, that would be a picture of me at the lake...in a swimsuit.  Totally unauthorized pic taken by the husband, when I first saw it I thought "ugh but I felt so comfortable in my suit why do I look so ...blah."  Then I let the picture marinate and marinate and marinate and now I feel ok.  It feels so odd at age 37 to still be dealing with body issues.  I assumed as I aged that all the self-doubt and harsh criticism I loaded on to myself in my teens would...just float away and disappear as I got older, wiser, more involved in bigger things not associated with the size of my thighs?  Sigh...yet, it is STILL there.  That ugly creepy little inner critic, the one that whispers in your ear "Man, I know you're like really happy & think you look rad but wow!  Does your ass look fat in those pants."

I have seen pictures of myself during a half marathon and I focused on my fleshy arms, a picture from a full marathon and I focused on my thighs in spandex and a picture from a sprint triathlon and I focused on my hips in cycling shorts.  I don't feel bad about being critical of myself, I acknowledge it and am aware of it but it no longer brings me DOWN.  It really truly doesn't and I attribute that 100% to being active and sore every day from doing something physical & also for being gentle with myself (all that hippie self love mumbo jumbo does have a place in the world) because...well, I'm awesome and for the first time in my life I really feel it.  I have a sense of well-being and calm and confidence that I have never felt before and I hope this feeling never goes away but...if it does.  I know where I've been and hopefully I will know how to get back there...to here :-)

I am as strong and fit as I have EVER been in my entire life (except maybe during Jr. Jazzercise but I was 12yrs old).  I can wear cycling shorts & running pants in a size medium and occasionally size small. I feel proud of my body & I don't stick my tongue out in the mirror when I am naked.  I have always dreamed of having long gorgeous lean legs like Gisele, since I was a kid I wanted GAMS.  Not gonna happen, ever...I have CELLULITE and lots of it on my thighs, it covers all the awesome amazing muscles I have built up over the months cycling and running...but nothing I can do about it & I am feeling at peace about it.  Long lean legs and straight silky dark polynesian hair....never gonna happen.  Funny how time  (and childbirth/nursing) changes things because I spent most my life yearning for long smooth legs and now I am fixated on BOOBS.  Wow, would it be awesome to have BOOBS (and not the breasts I currently have after 3.7yrs of blissfully breast feeding my son :-)  yet, again...never gonna happen (well I know it could happen for about $5k and a lot of pain but not willing to go that distance).

So blah blah blah....I love my body, I am proud of it, I feel great in my skin and in my clothes.  I am still Miss Judgey Pants when it comes to seeing pictures of myself in a swimsuit but who isn't?  The main difference between young me and NOW me is that yes I judge myself & sigh BUT I don't linger on it.  I don't have time to.  I am too busy suiting up to ride my bike or slog out 10.25 mile runs (BOOOYAH, today!) or glam up in jeans & a tanktop and shake my booty to my brothers band at a local bar.  I'm too busy for you cellulite....take that creepy little inner critic!

Pigging out...sort of

A lot has changed about the way I eat but more importantly a LOT more has changed about the way I view food.  In the picture above is an In & Out burger...without the burger.  A few years ago that would have never happened.  After I overhauled my diet in January of this year I have seriously scaled back on my meat consumption (little to no beef, chicken, pork), I still eat & love seafood & willie bird turkey bacon.  I used to mainline dairy through my veins, literally eating spoonfuls of sour cream, bowls of ice cream & lots of full fat yogurt & milk products.  Not anymore.  When I do consume dairy it is usually just because there is nothing else available or else I am too lazy to ask them to take it off (like in the picture above the cheese & dressing, forgot to specify a veggie veggie instead of grilled cheese).  So how are the diet changes going...was the road from full boar carnivore to vegan-ish scary & difficult & do I lie awake at night dreaming of steaks and chicken nuggets?  NOPE.

The change has been so incredibly easy & one I could never ever in a million years have predicted and was 37 yrs in the making.  The only thing that shifted in order for the diet change to happen was one tiny little thing... accountability.  All through my teens and twenty-something years I had an addiction to food, it provided comfort & security.  I would eat whatever I wanted, especially as I got older and had the money & independence to do so.  Every other week I would go on a fad diet, I would lament the fact that I wanted to lose 10, 15, 20 pounds and if I lost lb's then I would be gorgeous, happy and life would be perfect.  When my boyfriends weren't around I would eat eat eat, then when I was with them I would eat what they did or less, being a girl and all.  I don't remember a time since entering teenhood that I didn't think about food.  I had zero willpower and even less follow-through.  The minute I mentally committed to a diet I would stuff my face.  I would go to the gym but read a magazine instead of workout but who would know?  I would get mexican, chinese & dessert take-out and eat it all because who would know?  Just this past January, something clicked...I would know.

I would know if I worked out, I would know if I was actually training for a marathon, I would know if I said I was going to be veganish but be eating beef kabobs for breakfast, I would know if I was eating cream-on-top yogurt instead of soy yogurt, I would know if I was eating a whole pie instead of having an apple.  So yadda yadda blah blah blah.  What it came down to for me was realizing that I would know what I was doing & that MATTERED.  The catalyst was training for the Portland Marathon.  For the first time I would need to be doing something even if no one else could see it, I would need to be running, training, in order to show up on game day I would need to put in the work.  I had not done anything like that before.  Even when I didn't want to run, I did.  When I said I ran 6, 9, 10, 15 miles to people, I had actually run those miles.  Being accountable to myself and no one else was HUGE,  it changed my entire viewpoint on fitness and food.  After the marathon training & realizing my opinion of myself mattered, my focus on food shifted slowly.  At first I cut out meat & dairy due to a borderline high cholesterol test (borderline high cholesterol at age 37 which was directly related to my Tillamook sharp cheddar consumption?  Embarrassing!) I had no idea how easily it would be to 'cleanse' from meat & dairy, I was seriously addicted!  After not consuming certain products for a while, my body stopped craving spoonfuls of sour cream and greasy burgers.  Do I still enjoy rich dairy, creamy brie, pate & ice cream?  Of course but on a hugely different scale.  Now I can have a few bites & be cool, whereas the old me would need to eat everything to the very last crumb & feel physically stuffed to feel 'full.'  I just don't feel that way anymore and I am so happy.  I never thought my focus would shift, ever.  I thought I would be a slave to food for my entire life.  Now I eat veganish even when no one is watching because I enjoy it *shocker*.  I enjoy eating lighter, having half a donut instead of half a dozen, I eat apples after dinner instead of ice cream because my body craves it.  I have not felt stuffed/sick/full for so long and it feels incredibly great.

I don't diet, I don't binge, I don't have cheat days, I don't go hungry, I don't go out of my way to be "low carb low fat sugar free veggie vegan organic gluten free", I don't follow a book or a plan or a fad, I never intentionally skip meals or skip calories...I don't really 'do' anything except eat what I want, when I want.  The only person I am accountable to is ME and that is so freeing & empowering.  Paying attention to feeding my belly and not filling any other void than what is in my tummy, feels great and has been a long time coming.  I never thought there would be a day that I would go to In & Out, get a burgerless burger, only eat half of it & a handful of fries and feel OK...about everything.  Another huge component to not caring about food like I used to is FITNESS.  Every day I am running, swimming, biking or resting from previous days of running, swimming, biking.  It is an awesome feeling to know my body is tired from physical fitness & needs fuel & rest to get up and do the same thing the next day.  I went years, literally YEARS without any type of regular physical fitness regime and now I have no idea how I did that.  Being active makes me feel alive & feeling alive makes me crave good, nourishing, healthy fuel for my body.  So it is really a win-win all around.

Now the only thing with food that I DO need to focus on is FUELing for big runs & events.  Going out for 10 milers in the morning on a cup of coffee isn't working...so gotta think about that.  Especially before the 2012 Ultra I'm secretly pondering.

Camping!

Green Monster

Post run yum: 2 bananas, apple juice, soy yogurt & two cups spinach. So fresh, sweet, awesome.

Awesome run...with one glitch

Took an amazingly awesome run today.  Was so excited to wake to the cool & foggy morning, perfect for a looooong run of 10-11.  The  I chatted on the phone in my car for 1.5 hrs to a good friend & by then it was sunny & warm.  Totally worth it soul food chat though and so I was still jazzed about a solid run.  Leaving for camping later today & need to pack, clean the house (am I the only one who tries to clean before going somewhere for a few days because when I return I know I will love it?), pick up dude for swim lessons, yadda yadda...before my brain could get overloaded and I tanked my run to go home & do chores, I set out.  In my heart I wanted to put in a good show of 10-11 miles so my training log would know I was serious about a few Halfs in the Fall & a Marathon in January but my mind was saying I might do a solid 6., which isn't a bad run at all.

So the music was rad (12 new tunes carried me through, a few on multiple repeat..Titanium by Sia and Moves like Jagger, big fav's), the body felt great ( a nagging right achilles, have PT next Tuesday whew!) and overall just felt golden.  I was sailing.  Pushed myself out on to Rodota for 6 miles so I knew in order to get back and to my car at Ragle I would most likely end up at 10-11 miles.  It was pretty rough to run right by my house at mile 9 as I was dragging in the heat but worth it.  Clocked out at 11.2 miles, and feel great...tired & sore hamstrings but strong.  I think the hamstrings and butt are so sore because I kicked it into high gear a few times & did sprints (thank you Sia) or maybe because of a huge ride Monday & over half mile lake swim yesterday, which makes for a RAD week of fitness.  So I was feeling GROOVY...and then...the big glitch I am still fuming about.

I was on the Rodota and happened to be in the area of the trail where there weren't any people & as I make my way I see a man join the path out of the corner of my eye.  I had passed him before, a handsome young man with lots of arm & neck tattoos and a basketball jersey & shorts.  Not in running gear but not street clothes.  When I passed him an hour back on the trail I waved and he waved back.  Now he was on the trail again & looked to be walking but was doing short jogs here & there but wasn't wearing running shoes.  So all in all for some reason I got a *feeling* and I didn't like it.  I never ignore my gut, ever.  So I took out my earphones and stopped running & stood at the side of the trail fiddling with my shuffle as he walked by.  I looked him straight in the eye and said "Hello" and he said hello back and didn't look too menacing but I still had an odd feeling.  Just as I was contemplating going out on to the road to run in the bike lane (Hwy12) a biker came by and then I looked and saw the trail opened up from the foliage and the trail could be seen from the road, so I was visible to drivers, so I decided to continue.  I passed Jersey guy and even blatantly looked back a few times to see where he was and he was just slowly walking.  I continued my run and passed a few runners and bikers and that should have put me at ease but now I was PISSED.  I had totally lost my mojo, I used to feel light & breezy & awesome and now I felt deflated, my neck was tight and my energy had fizzled.  I was mad at the guy and it isn't even his fault!  I am not nearly the nervous nelly I used to be as far as running trails alone but I always have some sort of guard or awareness up when running in an area where I don't see too many people & when a lone man with weird energy is on the trail with me, it skeeves me out & pisses me off.

I know that this guy was making me nervous for some reason, something was in the air that I felt & I won't ignore that & I'm glad I took the time to pay attention to that feeling but I also know that some people who can do bad things are the ones you least expect.  Like the 70-ish year old man walking his dog could be a creepo or the nice woman who just smiled at you, after the J.Duggard story...it makes me sick that I should be leery of women as well since you just never know.  So all in all I am pissed off that my insanely great run was ruined by a few minutes of feeling the hair on my neck stand up which in turn deflated my bubbling energy for the last 5 miles of my run.  I kept thinking about how angry I was in college when my boyfriend would skateboard to my house at 2am or 3am, usually a bit tipsy but having just been out cruising around campus under a starry sky and being...out.  As a 22 yr old woman in a college town if I were out at 2am, bike riding or skateboarding I would have been asking for trouble and that always, always made me angry.  I guess it still does.  I am a much more confident & self aware woman now than ever, I usually don't let fear or nerves deter me.  I know this is Sebastopol and not Compton, I know I am 37 and not 15 but still....it makes me angry & sad to think that as a woman I have to take time out of my run or whatever to be aware of my surroundings, it's not fair.  I really do have a great deal of faith & trust in humanity in general, and in hindsight I don't think jersey boy was out to cause any havoc on the trail ...but it didn't stop me from harboring some crazy thoughts today.  Funny how it would have been truly un-PC and borderline harassment/rude to ask him "hey, so you aren't going to try and drag me off the trail or anything right? Ok, just had to ask...we're cool? ok, bye" but I think it would have put me at ease to clear the air :-)  Sad that it is rude for me to say something like that to a stranger but the balance of the universe is such that my run got all tense and anxious, and it's not his fault but it is NOT my fault either for being a woman on an empty trail just wanting to enjoy her run.

Aside from that crappy little glitch, the run wrapped up perfectly, I am sore, tired, feel strong, good, and accomplished .... in a lot of ways.

Splish Splash

Big fun on Lake Sonoma today.  Three loops, wooooooooot!  Blondie & I both get anxious before swims but then afterwards we are riding high!  Today we did a great swim, a few weird currents & a bit tired but overall we rocked it.  Afterwards, we put on our running gear and jogged around & a few tiny hills to get used to transition time.  On the drive home we were both elated: sooooooo happy to be out & moving & pushing our bodies & facing fears & anxiety...you name it, we experience it AND despite that, we push through it.  Rock on.

To Hog Island and Back

Took a crazy great ride to beyond Tomales, to Marshall road & back.  I can't help laughing when I think of my Triple A ladies and how even a 5 hour ride is not 'enough' for us.  Yesterday we were in the saddle 10:30am-3:15pm, with just the shortest break for a sandwich and we were still "Ok, so next time we'll go longer, the full hill and the full loop."  I have no idea how we got to be so hardcore that a 5 hr hilly & long ride is not considered a righteous ride!  I love it :-) Yesterday was gorgeous and sweaty and fast and painful (climbing) where I am thinking "why am I doing this again?"  Then I get to a gorgeous view or in a wonderful easy cadence or we have a phenomenal soul cleansing chat and I think "oh yeah, THIS is why."  I used to be so jittery and shaky on downhills or with traffic and now I am so at ease with big trucks zooming by.  I am still no speeding Sally on downhills but I have come to love the feel of the air and the brisk pace of a solid downhill.  I still loathe the idea of going face over handlebars and a good crash or tire blow-out but I no longer live/ride in fear of it.

My mind is constantly thinking about women-only triathlons to find, races & century events to put on my calendar.  I love love love love it :-)

Mom's snack jar :-)

Fish Tonight

Took the day OFF fitness. Needed it. In denial of sore throat, stuffy head & ears. Rest does a body great so I hear.

Weekend includes a mongo mileage walk with Awesome and 9-10 miler on Sunday. Next week: big bike tour on Monday (miles & hills), Tuesday light run and/or crankcycle or Ujams, Wednesday open water swim, Thursday crank or Ujams...then off to camp for 3 days. During camping hoping for lots of walks, one run & 2 lake swims. Also a few frosty cones :-)

Big goal next week is the Ujams extreme Zumba & Crankcycle. Getting out of my comfort zone & GOING! Also an SR cycle ride soon & solo ride (eek).

Core training for stomach & arms. Did a Brady Bunch workout on Wednesday & stomach still feeling sore which is rad & exactly what it needs!

Have loved the Mermaid email traffic, so many great ladies. I've discovered their blogs (fab) and hooked up with an SF Aquatics buddy I hope! Fitness rocks & makes you great new lady fitness friends I love it!

Very Hot & Pretty Cool

Awesome swim with Triple A *Blondie today.  Lake Sonoma, two loops!  I am betting on it being 400-500yds, maybe a smidge more...or less.  First loop was anxious for us both, not sure why.  Then on 2nd loop we spent the first part chatting & lazily swimming.  Really got us comfortable.  The entire 2nd loop back we got in the groove and freestyled next to one another without stopping, felt glorious!  I wish I could always swim in open water (or the OCEAN) like that, at ease.  Maybe some day...maybe not.  Tried swimming in water shoes, huge fail, had to jam them in my wetsuit, I will be leaving them on the beach for the transition and just hope no one else snags them, bad karma for them.  I still LOVE my wetsuit, best purchase ever.  Also love my new goggles AquaSphere, a bit too much visibility though, made the underwater view too clear, had to close my eyes so as not to see the lake zombies I KNOW are lurking :-)  Great seal on the goggles, can't wait to wear in the pool, I'm so used to the speedo vanquisher, wonder if I will switch for good to the bigger goggle.

Chilled on the beach a few minutes, Blondie fueled with PB sandwich (my belly was filled with an egg bagel from earlier, great choice) and we chatted about how RAD it felt to be out there DOING this stuff.  Walked the good distance to car & changed for riding.  Tackled some nifty climbs, we were both hurting from 9 mile runs the previous day & a full week of training.  Soooo crazy hot on the ride, sweat & salt coating the bod, felt fabulous.  I nearly rode over Blondie on my quest to get away from what I swear was a mountain lion rummaging in the bushes near the road on a climb.  Blondie laughed  so hard as she said it was most likely a deer or a squirrel...I'm not so sure!  Got my adrenaline pumping big time!

After the swim & ride we had lunch at Dry Creek store, best ever.  Just chilling out  while drinking Dr.Pepper, eating deli sandwiches & salted caramels.  Life is pretty damn sweet, you won't catch me complaining one bit.

*Thought of Triple A girlie who i'll call 'Babe' who wranked her toe something awful last night & is waiting to hear if it is broken and obviously couldn't join today :-( Injury can happen at any minute in life and/or training.  Gotta just enjoy the ride while we can, it's fleeting...

Kicking It

Great Triple A ride on Sunday except for the traffic, so glad I am not a weekend warrior, a luxury I know! Nice tidy 2 hr ride through freestone, bodega rollers, salmon creek rd, and back thru bodega.  Tuesday was a mega pms & girlie day but forced a 1 mile swim at the gym, so much easier & more relaxing than the ocean surf :-)  Today was a FANTASTIC AMAZING RADALICIOUS 9.5 mile run thru town.  Body felt great (teeny nagging right achilles tendon, call PT today!) and used a handheld water bottle which was great, my body needs more H20.  Kinda awkward to feel the sloshing of the bottle but needs to be done for higher mileage and marathons and .....ultras.  Feeling pretty groovy.  Just want to stay on track with run swim ride & crankcycle & ujams between all the camping & fun family events planned for the next few weeks.  Still need to work on nutrition and fueling big time.  I am not a breakfast person which proves difficult on a 9.5m run or long ride when you bonk or have that empty gnawing feeling in your belly and want to dive into a stack of pancakes mid-event but can't :-)

Capitola & Mermaid ROCK the casbah

Saturday was my Mermaid Swim Clinic triathlon training for Sept 25th Mermaid Triathlon.  I was so eager to get to one of their clinics just to see the water I would be swimming in (I took the ignorance is bliss approach for Alameda & it served me well but this time I wanted to know more) but being 3 hrs away I was nervous if I would make getting to the clinic a priority.  I finally decided that I was committed to being there~either spending the night before or leaving at 5am.  At the last minute my mom said she would come with me & I was SO excited for the company & mom bonding but despite that excitement I had the willies the entire week before the clinic.  Not sure if it was the 5am leave time that got to me or the OCEAN swim, whatever it was I was not feeling the mojo.  Left my house Saturday at 4:45am, pitch dark~huge moon, felt a bit crazy to be doing this but also felt ALIVE for doing SOMETHING!  Drive down with mom was easy peasy (except I was a bit tired, only having gotten at most, 3 hrs sleep due to nerves) and we made it in 2.5 hrs.  Capitola was gray but warm and I loved the town the instant I saw it.  I was a bit FREAKED when I saw the pier and the ocean but it was so calm and a few surfers were out there and that chilled me out.  My new motto is to just BE like a surfer in the ocean, every time they are lucky enough to get out for a ride, I don't think they are knock knee'd and nervous and thinking "oh sh*t I so don't want to go in the ocean!"  Probably the exact opposite, they are HAPPY to be out there doing what brings them zen.  So while I don't totally have the mojo yet, I am trying really hard to embody the surfer dude attitude as much as possible when entering the big old blue.

Clinic by Mermaid and Coach Heidi was AMAZING.  About 45 women, all shapes & sizes and abilities (*except a few rock stars, more on those ladies later).  Not sure if it was pms, nerves or the full moon but I was teary-eyed more than a few times during the clinic.  Heidi is so inspirational and motivating, so focused on "YOU can and you WILL do this!"  I love that attitude.  So first off we got in our wetsuits and hit the water right away, which I loved since I didn't know if I could absorb the course material on Triathlon 101 if the 'swim' was looming before me.  We did two loops around someone out about 50 ft on a paddle board to get comfortable and I was nervous because those two 'practice' laps were pretty good for me but we hadn't even really started yet!  YIKERS!

Overall, I did all right.  I was in the back of the front of the pack and was relatively calm through the swim.  Before we got in the water my heart was beating out of my chest, for no specific reason.  I wasn't entirely focused on sharks (Damn Shark Week on Discovery channel!), or the oodles of kelp, or the looooooong distance it looked like around the pier and back to the beach (although only 400 yards, a short distance for swimmers but a long distance for regular folks like myself).  I was just nervous in general!  During the swim I was very envious of the ladies who put their heads down and just SWAM, easily it seemed... how I swim when I am at the gym in the lap pool, calm, cool, relaxed...that's how some of them swam the practice, it is NOT how I swam.  I did half the course as lifeguard swim (head out of water) and the other half on my back.  I could not just chill out and swim like I do at the gym.  So overall I did all right, got it done, didn't hate it but didn't love it either.  Before we got in the water Heidi talked to us and I was so teary, she was talking to us like a 'team' although I knew no one there, we had all just met.  She said we would feel uncomfortable in the water, scared, nervous, overwhelmed and that was all OK~like yoga, just sit in the uncomfortable zone and let it be.  That this was all new to us and if we were pro ocean swimmers, we would not be in this clinic.  She was righteous.  She made it OK to feel exactly how I felt.

When I got out of the water my mom was there watching, all giddy and happy.  Even though she drove to the clinic with me I was sure she would go shopping or something but nope, she just sat and watched.  It was awesome.  She was so proud.  It felt like an 'event' vs a training clinic, it was really grand to share it with mom.  We toweled off and sat in our chairs and discussed triathlon 101, a lot I knew from my sprint in Alameda but I learned a lot too and took notes (NTS: get water shoes, it's a healthy 400 yard walk/run to transition on sand & pavement!).  It felt good to hear Heidi talk about the hills for the bike and how some folks have to walk their bike (some ladies looked nervous, especially the one who admitted her bike was from Toys R Us) and I was chill & thinking "Dude, my Triple A ladies and I eat hills for breakfast every Tuesday to Dillion Beach on our rides."  It felt great to know "I've got this" as far as the bike & run portion go.  Easy?  No, but I got game in those areas and I love that feeling of confidence.

So I may have changed my tune for the Mighty Mermaid in September and right now I feel unsettled.  I can either forge ahead and do the mighty (.9 mile swim) or switch to the Sprint (400 yard swim, the one I just did at the clinic).  The only bummer is that the bike and run portions for sprint are significantly less than the mighty and I was really looking forward to challenging myself on those portions since the sprint distance of Alameda was do-able and I even had energy reserves.  The swim portion though...I am not sure.  The Mighty is advertised for those who may need something 'MORE' than the sprint overall, or if they have already 'mastered' the sprint...but I have only done ONE sprint triathlon in my life!  ONE!  Mastered?  Ummmm....nope!

When I signed up for the Mighty length months ago I had visions of training like a maniac and being this amazing powerhouse of fitness and strength and confidence to accomplish a triathlon...and I AM all of those things right now.  I feel great, I am in amazing shape, am getting stronger everyday.  I have HUGE goals for myself that range from vanity (2-4pk ab muscles & sculpted arms) to insane (having the physical endurance and concentration to run an Ultra).  I just don't know if I can or want to swim .9 miles in the OCEAN.  I respect the hell out of rock climbers & huge white water rafters, their skill & determination but I never want to do those things, like ever.  So things may change over time for me but for now, if/when I train for an Ironman or Barbs Race, you better bet it will be in a LAKE environment and not the ocean, even Hawaii :-)

At the clinic, some of the ultra buff/tough looking ladies there were the 'pro' swimmers helping guide us through the swim clinic and...they were swimming the mighty distance of .9 AFTER they did the 400 yd swim with us.  GULP.  Heidi asked if I wanted to swim it with them after the 400 yd practice to know the mighty course and I was all "ummmm yeah, probably not today." My brain was screaming "WAIT!  Those ladies are swimming with me, then .9 again easily and they are the ones doing the event on the day of the triathlon?  I am so out of my league here!"  I didn't feel down or depressed or bad for being out of my league, it was just a gut reaction of "I am not ready for this part" which is a big thing for me to admit.  It is also hard for me to admit I might not ever be ready to swim a mile in the ocean.  I can swim in a pool or lake (thank you Lake Sonoma) no problem.  If this Mighty were in a lake, dude, no worries I would push myself to do the mile swim, I would get through it. I just have a deeply held anxiety about the ocean & I did not know this until I TRIED, which is awesome in itself that I am out there doing things that help me discover my fears/anxieties.

I asked Coach Heidi about it "I can swim an hour or more in the lap pool, I can swim no problem in a lake but in the ocean I lose it and can not get in the groove.  I can bust through the 400yds with pure grit but a mile seems LONG to not be in the groove."  She agreed, she was very supportive and encouraging "You need to be swimming a mile in the pool 3 times a week minimum to get core strength for this and you need one swim a week in open water, preferably in the OCEAN if that's your anxiety trigger."  So there you have it.  I know if I lived closer I would be doing that 400 yd ocean swim at Capitola every weekend to see if I can kick my ocean anxiety (some of the ladies are doing it and I am jealous!) but I don't live there.  I can do SF aquatic park a few times and I will.  I will happily swim once a week in Lake Sonoma for an hour, no problem.  Yet, none of that may help me at GO time for the Mighty in 6 weeks.  I don't even know if I would sign up for anything over 400yds in the ocean in the future, I just don't know if it is my cup of tea.  I can grin & bear it for 400yds and even finish in the front of the pack but it is not without it's energy sucking anxiety, before & during the event, which is no party & not why I do this fitness gig in the first place.  I thought about my friend Jessica who has done a lot of sprint triathlons recently, not sure how she feels about ocean swimming but I think she has the sprint experience to push her to the mighty level and right now I don't know if I am ready for that 'push' with only one Tri under my belt.  So I feel unsettled but not in a bad way, just a pondering way.

I felt like I was 10 feet tall after the Alameda Tri & after my Portland marathon.  I felt so amazed at my own prowess and fitness and ability to be out THERE and DO something.  I know that I will feel that same way after the Mighty  or the Sprint, I just need to decide which level I want to do for ME & what will be the most FUN not only during the event but the weeks leading up to it.  Since that's really one of the main reasons I do all this stuff, run, bike, swim...it really is a total blast of FUN and makes me crazy wicked happy & if it didn't, I wouldn't be doing it.

Inspired to the nth degree...

I am a big follower of the No Meat Athlete Blog.  This awesome woman's recap & insight has me so motivated and inspired.  The picture I have on my desktop & it reminds me daily that I can do MORE than I ever thought possible, if I want to.
Anyone can do an Ironman...

River Days break

Three days off running, cycling & swimming (except river playing & floating). Excited to get back on the training horse but loved the break & loved feeling sore from schlepping the kiddo & gear instead of fitness.

Slooooow Jams

Feeling slow lately, not sure why. Once I am running or biking I feel great but getting to the start line is a battle. Swam today again & felt as swift as molasses. Just not vibrating with unbridled energy like usual. Might be late nights of tv watching or diet. I'm not a big diet/fueling fan. I'm lazy, I eat when hungry but miss meals too often resulting in the dreaded bonk or the even more dreaded migraine. Not excited about it but going to take a closer look at my diet for fuel efficiency, if I see a difference I will snap out of my laziness towards food journaling & make a concentrated effort. Also need to make an effort to sleep more, my inner night owl is strong though.
Yesterday ran the treadmill, boo. Yeah for 2hrs of kiddo playcare though! I did realize I have been running too slow on the treadmill, hence boredom. I cranked it to 9:13 min miles & really enjoyed it (as much as a hamster can enjoy). Also did a 3% hill grade at 9:40 for 10 minutes, tidy little workout, proud of myself for pushing it.
Today swam 30 min, slow and not in the zone but got it done. Tonight aiming for 30 min run to stretch the legs.

In the groove

Settling back into the groove. Moving the body with my ladies & eating clean. Today was a smashingly fab ride to Dillion Beach via a new backside backroads sneak. Soul food conversation with the Triple A's and enough rollers to make the legs really feel the burn. Great tempo & just felt amazing to be OUT. I run & swim a good deal on my own but biking really feels like home. The pressure is on to continue this come a cool fall & wet winter. I just need to get geared up & get out there every chance I get with the ladies ~ it is my therapy...and it doesn't cost $125 an hour, wooooot!

Made great food choices today, said no to cheese & meat on a huge half veggie sandwich. Said yes to a tiny frozen yogurt with the dude. Made a huge dinner of: Amys vegan chili, Tri color cabbage & carrot slaw, avocado & mango! So tasty & hearty.

Thoughts today center on feeling...chill & balanced. Let things go, let things flow. Make lists & be prepared but be ok if I don't check everything off. Motivate myself to create my home in the reflection of Us. Clean out, make space, live simple & BE content. Stop focusing on the BIG things and be thrilled with all the small wonders of a single day~there are so many.

New kickers came today.....zoooooom!