Capitola & Mermaid ROCK the casbah

Saturday was my Mermaid Swim Clinic triathlon training for Sept 25th Mermaid Triathlon.  I was so eager to get to one of their clinics just to see the water I would be swimming in (I took the ignorance is bliss approach for Alameda & it served me well but this time I wanted to know more) but being 3 hrs away I was nervous if I would make getting to the clinic a priority.  I finally decided that I was committed to being there~either spending the night before or leaving at 5am.  At the last minute my mom said she would come with me & I was SO excited for the company & mom bonding but despite that excitement I had the willies the entire week before the clinic.  Not sure if it was the 5am leave time that got to me or the OCEAN swim, whatever it was I was not feeling the mojo.  Left my house Saturday at 4:45am, pitch dark~huge moon, felt a bit crazy to be doing this but also felt ALIVE for doing SOMETHING!  Drive down with mom was easy peasy (except I was a bit tired, only having gotten at most, 3 hrs sleep due to nerves) and we made it in 2.5 hrs.  Capitola was gray but warm and I loved the town the instant I saw it.  I was a bit FREAKED when I saw the pier and the ocean but it was so calm and a few surfers were out there and that chilled me out.  My new motto is to just BE like a surfer in the ocean, every time they are lucky enough to get out for a ride, I don't think they are knock knee'd and nervous and thinking "oh sh*t I so don't want to go in the ocean!"  Probably the exact opposite, they are HAPPY to be out there doing what brings them zen.  So while I don't totally have the mojo yet, I am trying really hard to embody the surfer dude attitude as much as possible when entering the big old blue.

Clinic by Mermaid and Coach Heidi was AMAZING.  About 45 women, all shapes & sizes and abilities (*except a few rock stars, more on those ladies later).  Not sure if it was pms, nerves or the full moon but I was teary-eyed more than a few times during the clinic.  Heidi is so inspirational and motivating, so focused on "YOU can and you WILL do this!"  I love that attitude.  So first off we got in our wetsuits and hit the water right away, which I loved since I didn't know if I could absorb the course material on Triathlon 101 if the 'swim' was looming before me.  We did two loops around someone out about 50 ft on a paddle board to get comfortable and I was nervous because those two 'practice' laps were pretty good for me but we hadn't even really started yet!  YIKERS!

Overall, I did all right.  I was in the back of the front of the pack and was relatively calm through the swim.  Before we got in the water my heart was beating out of my chest, for no specific reason.  I wasn't entirely focused on sharks (Damn Shark Week on Discovery channel!), or the oodles of kelp, or the looooooong distance it looked like around the pier and back to the beach (although only 400 yards, a short distance for swimmers but a long distance for regular folks like myself).  I was just nervous in general!  During the swim I was very envious of the ladies who put their heads down and just SWAM, easily it seemed... how I swim when I am at the gym in the lap pool, calm, cool, relaxed...that's how some of them swam the practice, it is NOT how I swam.  I did half the course as lifeguard swim (head out of water) and the other half on my back.  I could not just chill out and swim like I do at the gym.  So overall I did all right, got it done, didn't hate it but didn't love it either.  Before we got in the water Heidi talked to us and I was so teary, she was talking to us like a 'team' although I knew no one there, we had all just met.  She said we would feel uncomfortable in the water, scared, nervous, overwhelmed and that was all OK~like yoga, just sit in the uncomfortable zone and let it be.  That this was all new to us and if we were pro ocean swimmers, we would not be in this clinic.  She was righteous.  She made it OK to feel exactly how I felt.

When I got out of the water my mom was there watching, all giddy and happy.  Even though she drove to the clinic with me I was sure she would go shopping or something but nope, she just sat and watched.  It was awesome.  She was so proud.  It felt like an 'event' vs a training clinic, it was really grand to share it with mom.  We toweled off and sat in our chairs and discussed triathlon 101, a lot I knew from my sprint in Alameda but I learned a lot too and took notes (NTS: get water shoes, it's a healthy 400 yard walk/run to transition on sand & pavement!).  It felt good to hear Heidi talk about the hills for the bike and how some folks have to walk their bike (some ladies looked nervous, especially the one who admitted her bike was from Toys R Us) and I was chill & thinking "Dude, my Triple A ladies and I eat hills for breakfast every Tuesday to Dillion Beach on our rides."  It felt great to know "I've got this" as far as the bike & run portion go.  Easy?  No, but I got game in those areas and I love that feeling of confidence.

So I may have changed my tune for the Mighty Mermaid in September and right now I feel unsettled.  I can either forge ahead and do the mighty (.9 mile swim) or switch to the Sprint (400 yard swim, the one I just did at the clinic).  The only bummer is that the bike and run portions for sprint are significantly less than the mighty and I was really looking forward to challenging myself on those portions since the sprint distance of Alameda was do-able and I even had energy reserves.  The swim portion though...I am not sure.  The Mighty is advertised for those who may need something 'MORE' than the sprint overall, or if they have already 'mastered' the sprint...but I have only done ONE sprint triathlon in my life!  ONE!  Mastered?  Ummmm....nope!

When I signed up for the Mighty length months ago I had visions of training like a maniac and being this amazing powerhouse of fitness and strength and confidence to accomplish a triathlon...and I AM all of those things right now.  I feel great, I am in amazing shape, am getting stronger everyday.  I have HUGE goals for myself that range from vanity (2-4pk ab muscles & sculpted arms) to insane (having the physical endurance and concentration to run an Ultra).  I just don't know if I can or want to swim .9 miles in the OCEAN.  I respect the hell out of rock climbers & huge white water rafters, their skill & determination but I never want to do those things, like ever.  So things may change over time for me but for now, if/when I train for an Ironman or Barbs Race, you better bet it will be in a LAKE environment and not the ocean, even Hawaii :-)

At the clinic, some of the ultra buff/tough looking ladies there were the 'pro' swimmers helping guide us through the swim clinic and...they were swimming the mighty distance of .9 AFTER they did the 400 yd swim with us.  GULP.  Heidi asked if I wanted to swim it with them after the 400 yd practice to know the mighty course and I was all "ummmm yeah, probably not today." My brain was screaming "WAIT!  Those ladies are swimming with me, then .9 again easily and they are the ones doing the event on the day of the triathlon?  I am so out of my league here!"  I didn't feel down or depressed or bad for being out of my league, it was just a gut reaction of "I am not ready for this part" which is a big thing for me to admit.  It is also hard for me to admit I might not ever be ready to swim a mile in the ocean.  I can swim in a pool or lake (thank you Lake Sonoma) no problem.  If this Mighty were in a lake, dude, no worries I would push myself to do the mile swim, I would get through it. I just have a deeply held anxiety about the ocean & I did not know this until I TRIED, which is awesome in itself that I am out there doing things that help me discover my fears/anxieties.

I asked Coach Heidi about it "I can swim an hour or more in the lap pool, I can swim no problem in a lake but in the ocean I lose it and can not get in the groove.  I can bust through the 400yds with pure grit but a mile seems LONG to not be in the groove."  She agreed, she was very supportive and encouraging "You need to be swimming a mile in the pool 3 times a week minimum to get core strength for this and you need one swim a week in open water, preferably in the OCEAN if that's your anxiety trigger."  So there you have it.  I know if I lived closer I would be doing that 400 yd ocean swim at Capitola every weekend to see if I can kick my ocean anxiety (some of the ladies are doing it and I am jealous!) but I don't live there.  I can do SF aquatic park a few times and I will.  I will happily swim once a week in Lake Sonoma for an hour, no problem.  Yet, none of that may help me at GO time for the Mighty in 6 weeks.  I don't even know if I would sign up for anything over 400yds in the ocean in the future, I just don't know if it is my cup of tea.  I can grin & bear it for 400yds and even finish in the front of the pack but it is not without it's energy sucking anxiety, before & during the event, which is no party & not why I do this fitness gig in the first place.  I thought about my friend Jessica who has done a lot of sprint triathlons recently, not sure how she feels about ocean swimming but I think she has the sprint experience to push her to the mighty level and right now I don't know if I am ready for that 'push' with only one Tri under my belt.  So I feel unsettled but not in a bad way, just a pondering way.

I felt like I was 10 feet tall after the Alameda Tri & after my Portland marathon.  I felt so amazed at my own prowess and fitness and ability to be out THERE and DO something.  I know that I will feel that same way after the Mighty  or the Sprint, I just need to decide which level I want to do for ME & what will be the most FUN not only during the event but the weeks leading up to it.  Since that's really one of the main reasons I do all this stuff, run, bike, swim...it really is a total blast of FUN and makes me crazy wicked happy & if it didn't, I wouldn't be doing it.