Monday, May 30, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Balance
Today I cleaned my house from top to bottom. So many bags for hospice, trash, garage~and it feels very cleansing and gratifying. I know as a stay at home parent I should be doing this daily or weekly, cleaning house and keeping everything ship-shape. Been there, done that. When kiddo was a baby and I was a newbie at-home parent, I used to clean my house obsessively. I felt this pressure that since I was home it was my 'job' and I think it is completely reasonable to keep a tidy home (I have always been tidy, except under the bed & closets, then I am a pack rat :-) but I began to define my self-worth through what I had 'accomplished' during the day. When Awesome came home and asked about my day I would launch right into all the laundry I had done, dishes I had washed, floors swept and mopped, closets re-orged... and on and on which is funny since our home is a wee bit over 1100 sq feet not a mansion. He would listen to my housekeeping lists and then laugh and say" great but what did you DO for fun?" That pace could only be sustained for so long and eventually the pendulum swung the other way. In the last few months, I have pressured myself to get everything put away and relatively clean before taking dude to school in the morning & then would not return home until the end of the day. Running errands, exercising, seeing friends, taking dude on adventures and getting home at the end of the day. This has been a total glory time, I have formed strong freindship & am in the best shape of my life emotionally, mentally & physically.
Yet, I never come home and clean in the middle of the day or chill or zone out...again, the pressure of being a 'productive at-home parent" does not include sitting on the couch with The View. Today during the house cleaning overhaul it felt really good to return to my roots of organizing and deep-cleaning which I had avoided since the start of the year. I kept thinking back to how I used to do that ALL day long and it makes me a bit sad, as does thinking about how the past few months I have sometimes scheduled myself to the 'nth' degree just to fill up my day and avoid being lazy or cleaning at home. It has taken me 4 yrs and counting to find the balance of knowing that almost everything I do as a parent and supportive wife is in some way productive, if not for my home & family, for my own sense of well-being and confidence. I am a work in progress and process...
Lately I feel a sense of transition stirring and some more personal feelings of how I judge my self-worth. Lately I find myself thinking that with only one kiddo & unclear about any more in the hazy future, it is really gluttonous to be an at-home parent. After all I have friends with 2,3,4 kiddos...they are the ones that DESERVE the luxury & flexibility of being an at-home parent because they are REALLY parents to a whole brood. Then I get mad at myself that I am downgrading the importance of parenting my solo kiddo & supporting my uber busy & successful spouse. I know that it is my own deeper feelings questioning just how big our family will be over time coming to the surface in odd ways...any way, food for thought.
On another completely random note...lately I have been pondering the shelf life of sexy & beauty. At 37 I feel pretty darn good but on a run the other day I startled myself by pondering when I should stop feeling sexy. I thought about how well into your 40's and early 50's it is acceptable to be sexy, tastefully of course. Then my mind wandered to Sophia Loren and Susan Sarandon, women way over 50 who still have really got it going on! It was an odd feeling to ponder if beauty and looks and fitness have a shelf life? I know I want to be running and active well into my 70-80's if possible but I know there will be a certain point that wearing spandex and certain low-riding yoga pants will not be in my best interest...I got a bit sad thinking about a time when I might not feel as amazing as I do now in my late-30's but I am sure something else will grow in its palce and I might not feel the void?
Hmmmm...on that note, I was out running the other day and not feeling overly perky or groovy, just pounding the pavement to get it done. A car slowed next to me and I turned, expecting a friend. Instead it was a very handsome and very YOUNG man and he waved me over. I took out my earbuds expecting him to ask for directions, instead he startled me by saying "I just had to tell you that you have a beautiful physique. You make running look good." I was dumbfounded, he was very earnest and sweet not at all creepy which made it an even nicer compliment. I don't think I even said thank you, I just mumbled "well, ummmm I do love running" and gave him a lame thumbs up. He said "well, running agrees with you. Wow. Have a great day" and drove off. Needless to say I pondered that compliment all day long! I think it might be some good karma coming back to me :-) I am a huge proponent of telling people positive things in the moment, I randomly stop people and compliment their hair, kiddos, actions, voice, clothes...whenever I am struck by something that I think is beautiful or impressive I make a point of letting the person know. Most people are so thankful, some look at me like I am crazy but I don't mind. I feel like if it isn't spoken sometimes it will just go unnoticed...especially if you tell someone that their presence has really made a positive impact on your day, if it is their gorgeous dress or kind words you hear them say to their child. SO I think this sweet, ego-boosting, totally out of the blue comment was total karma and man, I'll take it & relish it!
Yet, I never come home and clean in the middle of the day or chill or zone out...again, the pressure of being a 'productive at-home parent" does not include sitting on the couch with The View. Today during the house cleaning overhaul it felt really good to return to my roots of organizing and deep-cleaning which I had avoided since the start of the year. I kept thinking back to how I used to do that ALL day long and it makes me a bit sad, as does thinking about how the past few months I have sometimes scheduled myself to the 'nth' degree just to fill up my day and avoid being lazy or cleaning at home. It has taken me 4 yrs and counting to find the balance of knowing that almost everything I do as a parent and supportive wife is in some way productive, if not for my home & family, for my own sense of well-being and confidence. I am a work in progress and process...
Lately I feel a sense of transition stirring and some more personal feelings of how I judge my self-worth. Lately I find myself thinking that with only one kiddo & unclear about any more in the hazy future, it is really gluttonous to be an at-home parent. After all I have friends with 2,3,4 kiddos...they are the ones that DESERVE the luxury & flexibility of being an at-home parent because they are REALLY parents to a whole brood. Then I get mad at myself that I am downgrading the importance of parenting my solo kiddo & supporting my uber busy & successful spouse. I know that it is my own deeper feelings questioning just how big our family will be over time coming to the surface in odd ways...any way, food for thought.
On another completely random note...lately I have been pondering the shelf life of sexy & beauty. At 37 I feel pretty darn good but on a run the other day I startled myself by pondering when I should stop feeling sexy. I thought about how well into your 40's and early 50's it is acceptable to be sexy, tastefully of course. Then my mind wandered to Sophia Loren and Susan Sarandon, women way over 50 who still have really got it going on! It was an odd feeling to ponder if beauty and looks and fitness have a shelf life? I know I want to be running and active well into my 70-80's if possible but I know there will be a certain point that wearing spandex and certain low-riding yoga pants will not be in my best interest...I got a bit sad thinking about a time when I might not feel as amazing as I do now in my late-30's but I am sure something else will grow in its palce and I might not feel the void?
Hmmmm...on that note, I was out running the other day and not feeling overly perky or groovy, just pounding the pavement to get it done. A car slowed next to me and I turned, expecting a friend. Instead it was a very handsome and very YOUNG man and he waved me over. I took out my earbuds expecting him to ask for directions, instead he startled me by saying "I just had to tell you that you have a beautiful physique. You make running look good." I was dumbfounded, he was very earnest and sweet not at all creepy which made it an even nicer compliment. I don't think I even said thank you, I just mumbled "well, ummmm I do love running" and gave him a lame thumbs up. He said "well, running agrees with you. Wow. Have a great day" and drove off. Needless to say I pondered that compliment all day long! I think it might be some good karma coming back to me :-) I am a huge proponent of telling people positive things in the moment, I randomly stop people and compliment their hair, kiddos, actions, voice, clothes...whenever I am struck by something that I think is beautiful or impressive I make a point of letting the person know. Most people are so thankful, some look at me like I am crazy but I don't mind. I feel like if it isn't spoken sometimes it will just go unnoticed...especially if you tell someone that their presence has really made a positive impact on your day, if it is their gorgeous dress or kind words you hear them say to their child. SO I think this sweet, ego-boosting, totally out of the blue comment was total karma and man, I'll take it & relish it!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Too busy
Have a list of ideas to make sure & update SugarKnickers on but too busy shopping REI's big sale to do it now. Buying new helmet, another pair of my fav running pants, pondering a fabulously beastly roof rack/bike rack for CRV. Things I want to write about soon...ego boosting shout-outs while running, how old is too old, and living life with a sense of urgency. My fav new helmet which includes an "I love my brain" decal.
Friday, May 20, 2011
My Bliss
Was just looking through running sites today & races while itching to be out running. I have taken the past two days off to rest my foot & prep for a 8-10 miler tomorrow on my non-aching foot, excited. Cheers to hoping the cortisone shot did the trick. Also battling that gross non puking flu bug going around, where you feel really gross but not quite as bad as you could feel (puking). Kinda grosses me out to think of all the peeps I know who have this, germs and cootie bugs abound, ick!
Read an article today "hardest workout in SF" and it was about a boxing workout that is super hardcore & an insane workout. Fun to read about it, got me jazzed for being super fit...but a part of me was thinking "well, sounds fun but it's not running." The feeling really cemented my passion for running. I enjoy yoga, swimming, cycling & a good cardio workout or session on the elliptical...but I LOVE and crave running like nothing else. When I'm swimming or doing yoga I feel physical & healthy but I don't feel like it is my 'escape' and I am usually not 100% relaxed. When I run I am so in the ZONE, I do it because I feel free, relaxed, away from any stress or worry...it is my BLISS. I dream about it, I ponder races & routes & gear & songs I want to be running to.
Back in the day when I used to spend my time & money chatting with Dr.V (counselor) she innocently asked what my hobbies were and I felt confused. "Hobbies, like what do you mean?" Then I started to cry realizing how super duper lost I felt, not just since having a baby but really since high school, about the time I started changing my likes & interests to match those of my friends or boyfriends. Why? I can't remember why but I slowly morphed into this very 'adaptable' person, I didn't actually mind but in hindsight it is sad to think about. I am always reminded of the Runaway Bride and how the main character has NO idea on how she likes her eggs prepared, she always changed her preference to match her current mate. Dammit, I really wanted to know how I liked my eggs at age 35! I went home & over the next week I covered a few pages with my 'likes'...camping, swimming, reading, chick flick movies, the lifetime network, rich red wine, chinese food, jazzercise songs, chocolate, ice cream, taking a nap in the afternoon with dude, Calistoga, caz, chatting with my mom, Frank Sinatra, hiking with my husband, slumber parties, candy, people magazine, eating, Jamesons, the river on summer days, sushi, wearing my skinny pants, laughing really hard, nursing my son, writing cards and so on....the list went on & on and I felt so much better about myself realizing that there were things I really did like on my own, not connected to anyone else and their interests. I actually do have interests & preferences on how to spend my time and what makes me feel content & happy. Yet, I still didn't feel that I had a 'hobby' like scrapbooking or knitting or riding horses or archery, something that I wanted to spend my time & energy & money doing, a hobby that allowed me time off from being a mama that I actually wanted to do.
Fast forward a few years and I can confidently say that I know in my bones that running is my hobby. I gladly spend my time, energy & money on running and running events. I spend enormous amounts of energy juggling our family schedule & babysitting to get my running desires met. Always pondering where I can run, when I can run, what I can buy that will make me feel better, stronger & happier while running. I am a better wife & mother & friend because I indulge my love of running & I feed that part of my soul that reminds me that aside from all my obligations as a mom & partner, I am still an individual with my own interests & desires. When I am running I am at peace, happy & content, as I imagine people who knit feel :-) My name is Yaya and I am a runner.
Read an article today "hardest workout in SF" and it was about a boxing workout that is super hardcore & an insane workout. Fun to read about it, got me jazzed for being super fit...but a part of me was thinking "well, sounds fun but it's not running." The feeling really cemented my passion for running. I enjoy yoga, swimming, cycling & a good cardio workout or session on the elliptical...but I LOVE and crave running like nothing else. When I'm swimming or doing yoga I feel physical & healthy but I don't feel like it is my 'escape' and I am usually not 100% relaxed. When I run I am so in the ZONE, I do it because I feel free, relaxed, away from any stress or worry...it is my BLISS. I dream about it, I ponder races & routes & gear & songs I want to be running to.
Back in the day when I used to spend my time & money chatting with Dr.V (counselor) she innocently asked what my hobbies were and I felt confused. "Hobbies, like what do you mean?" Then I started to cry realizing how super duper lost I felt, not just since having a baby but really since high school, about the time I started changing my likes & interests to match those of my friends or boyfriends. Why? I can't remember why but I slowly morphed into this very 'adaptable' person, I didn't actually mind but in hindsight it is sad to think about. I am always reminded of the Runaway Bride and how the main character has NO idea on how she likes her eggs prepared, she always changed her preference to match her current mate. Dammit, I really wanted to know how I liked my eggs at age 35! I went home & over the next week I covered a few pages with my 'likes'...camping, swimming, reading, chick flick movies, the lifetime network, rich red wine, chinese food, jazzercise songs, chocolate, ice cream, taking a nap in the afternoon with dude, Calistoga, caz, chatting with my mom, Frank Sinatra, hiking with my husband, slumber parties, candy, people magazine, eating, Jamesons, the river on summer days, sushi, wearing my skinny pants, laughing really hard, nursing my son, writing cards and so on....the list went on & on and I felt so much better about myself realizing that there were things I really did like on my own, not connected to anyone else and their interests. I actually do have interests & preferences on how to spend my time and what makes me feel content & happy. Yet, I still didn't feel that I had a 'hobby' like scrapbooking or knitting or riding horses or archery, something that I wanted to spend my time & energy & money doing, a hobby that allowed me time off from being a mama that I actually wanted to do.
Fast forward a few years and I can confidently say that I know in my bones that running is my hobby. I gladly spend my time, energy & money on running and running events. I spend enormous amounts of energy juggling our family schedule & babysitting to get my running desires met. Always pondering where I can run, when I can run, what I can buy that will make me feel better, stronger & happier while running. I am a better wife & mother & friend because I indulge my love of running & I feed that part of my soul that reminds me that aside from all my obligations as a mom & partner, I am still an individual with my own interests & desires. When I am running I am at peace, happy & content, as I imagine people who knit feel :-) My name is Yaya and I am a runner.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Kumar
This week I ventured into a new shoe store (Dansko & Earth-yeah!) downtown & had a good chat with the woman working there. After a few minutes of casual chatting, she mentioned that if I was a town native than I might have known her brother Kumar, who passed away a few years ago. Immediately I teared up...yes, I knew Kumar and I think about him a few times a week. His memory is quite connected to my running actually. He was such a vibrant physical & spiritual being, in high school I always remember him being in drama or soccer. Every time I saw him he looked the same: golden boy, huge smile and always, always, always a happy go lucky kind word or phrase. Whenever I run (usually by his parents home) I think of him and try to honor him by relishing my life & my body & appreciating being alive & using my full potential each day because I can.
When I think of people I have lost in my life like grandparents, I feel sad & miss their presence but I am comforted by the fact that they all had wonderful full & rich lives. When I think of Kumar I almost always get a wave a fear, that life is unpredictable & unfair at times...that young people in the glorious prime of their lives are suddenly gone. Life can change in an instant, even for those who are physically & spiritually strong and seemingly rooted to the earth. The reality of life that sons & brothers can be taken away is sometimes too much for me to ponder, being both a mother & a sister. It is this wave of fear that makes me appreciate every day with my own golden boy, The Dude. To try and focus on his smile, his laugh, his cries, his humor, and even his melt downs.
The thought of Kumar for me is two-fold: his spirit motivates me to live my best life while I am able & to push hard physically and respect my body & enjoy it and to find and follow my passions. Emotionally, I am inspired to make connections with my loved ones that are tangible and alive with love & learning, letting them know through word or action every day that I am giving them my best & I am focused on them & how important they are to me. That THEY, and nothing else, are truly what sustains me & makes my daily life what it is~a tightly woven blanket of human connections & experiences.
Thank you Kumar for all you have given me & continue to give. You are deeply missed, I feel your presence & inspiration so often~when I am out running or looking at my son dancing around & laughing & so full of life, I think of you and all that you are.
http://www.kumarlewis.com/Gallery/img72.htm
When I think of people I have lost in my life like grandparents, I feel sad & miss their presence but I am comforted by the fact that they all had wonderful full & rich lives. When I think of Kumar I almost always get a wave a fear, that life is unpredictable & unfair at times...that young people in the glorious prime of their lives are suddenly gone. Life can change in an instant, even for those who are physically & spiritually strong and seemingly rooted to the earth. The reality of life that sons & brothers can be taken away is sometimes too much for me to ponder, being both a mother & a sister. It is this wave of fear that makes me appreciate every day with my own golden boy, The Dude. To try and focus on his smile, his laugh, his cries, his humor, and even his melt downs.
The thought of Kumar for me is two-fold: his spirit motivates me to live my best life while I am able & to push hard physically and respect my body & enjoy it and to find and follow my passions. Emotionally, I am inspired to make connections with my loved ones that are tangible and alive with love & learning, letting them know through word or action every day that I am giving them my best & I am focused on them & how important they are to me. That THEY, and nothing else, are truly what sustains me & makes my daily life what it is~a tightly woven blanket of human connections & experiences.
Thank you Kumar for all you have given me & continue to give. You are deeply missed, I feel your presence & inspiration so often~when I am out running or looking at my son dancing around & laughing & so full of life, I think of you and all that you are.
http://www.kumarlewis.com/Gallery/img72.htm
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Triathlon: run, swim...yoga?
Ran today for first time since cortisone in foot and.....SWEET! Zero ache in the foot as I started, felt totally benign and I loved it. Wish i could have relaxed and really got into a great groove of running but I couldn't relax, I kept thinking "so does my foot hurt or not?" Since it has ached since January basically, it felt odd to be running pain-free. I think I felt a bit of pressure or tiredness in my foot near the end of the run (4.5m) but overall, totally BOSS! Also swam 25 minutes today, felt great. Finished up the day with Devi Tri Yoga with two phenomenal ladies. Pretty much in love with the penguin pose, wanted to stay in that forever. I guess that is what they say is your 'bliss'....now I feel like I ned to go to yoga often enough to have every move feel like the penguin.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Beautiful Life~NieNie
I have read the NieNie blog for a few years, following it one week after the plane crash (young mom & husband were in a plane crash, they survived but are badly burned & finding their way back to normalcy as parents & as marrieds). When the accident first happened it gained so much momentum from bloggers throughout the world (they are also Mormon so they have a big network of family/friends as well :-) it was on tons of news specials, talk shows etc. I watched all of the coverage back then when Nie was still in a coma, and I also followed her progress when she came home, had to work her way back into her kids lives & back into feeling human. Back when I first started running after having dude (1.5 yrs after, mind you! I was slow to motivate :-) when Nie was in a coma and I would chant under my breath as I ran "For the love of Nie" which is what they had printed on shirts & signs for fundraising, to me it was a bit of a prayer mantra, to keep going when I didn't want to workout because I knew she would give anything to be where I was.
I will never forget the day I clicked on her blog (which was being run by her sister CJane in her absence) and it was her, it was Nie. She was back online and you could tell from even her short post that she was alive but oh man, was it hard to be living. I think about NieNie almost every time I run or workout. She used to run & teach yoga and be this active, fit mama, and so when I workout I think of her and how she would give anything to be doing what I am doing without the pain of her scars & burns limiting her. Swimming in the pool, running hard & sweating, stretching my limbs and working my body. She is getting back into life but even the smallest things are challenges and so I never take it for granted that I can easily do these physical things and should be doing them, if I can. When I read her blog, she makes life beautiful for her kiddos and husband but in her dark hours & during painful days she posts about how incredibly difficult it is to be this new different person, with a new face and painful body. How she is so happy she is here to be a wife and mother for a while longer but that dang, it's hard.
In the 20/20 special on Nie below, I personally took away two very profound things. First, was how Nie admits to feeling guilty. How could she as a mother get in a plane crash & nearly die & then survive but have life be so hard for her children? I went through that phase after I had my infection following the birth of kiddo, it actually hit me about a year later that I started dealing with these heavy feelings of guilt & responsibility. How could I as a new mom have gone & been stricken with this life-threatening infection, what a careless thing to do! Oh the guilt. Totally unjustified and unreasonable thoughts & feelings but PTSD and depression and all that fun heavy stuff is hardly ever reasonable.
The second thing I took away from the special was how it ended, with Nie saying "I feel beautiful because I have a beautiful life." As a woman, I am sure that she has a deep sadness in her heart that she does not look like the woman she used to & maybe she never will find pure peace with her looks, if it were me I am pretty sure I might be heartsick forever. The statement of feeling beautiful because you realize your life is blessed & beautiful really resonates with me. Sounds all Star Wars-y but it would seem that people who go through a very traumatic experience, be it physical or emotional or mental, always have this small dark side they have to contend with. Guilt or anger at the universe (or someone else), if you don't 'get over it' or move past it...it could very well consume you & ruin what is otherwise a beautiful life. For me, I don't think I am 'over it' yet, my darkside of emotions regarding my own infection trauma that is. I have wiggled around it in order to get in front of it and feel like I define it vs. it defining me. I think it might always be there lingering, the pain & confusion & anger of "why me?" but I can't indulge those feelings too often or IT will ruin my current existence which is currently beautiful and way beyond that event.
In the 20/20 special on Nie below, I personally took away two very profound things. First, was how Nie admits to feeling guilty. How could she as a mother get in a plane crash & nearly die & then survive but have life be so hard for her children? I went through that phase after I had my infection following the birth of kiddo, it actually hit me about a year later that I started dealing with these heavy feelings of guilt & responsibility. How could I as a new mom have gone & been stricken with this life-threatening infection, what a careless thing to do! Oh the guilt. Totally unjustified and unreasonable thoughts & feelings but PTSD and depression and all that fun heavy stuff is hardly ever reasonable.
The second thing I took away from the special was how it ended, with Nie saying "I feel beautiful because I have a beautiful life." As a woman, I am sure that she has a deep sadness in her heart that she does not look like the woman she used to & maybe she never will find pure peace with her looks, if it were me I am pretty sure I might be heartsick forever. The statement of feeling beautiful because you realize your life is blessed & beautiful really resonates with me. Sounds all Star Wars-y but it would seem that people who go through a very traumatic experience, be it physical or emotional or mental, always have this small dark side they have to contend with. Guilt or anger at the universe (or someone else), if you don't 'get over it' or move past it...it could very well consume you & ruin what is otherwise a beautiful life. For me, I don't think I am 'over it' yet, my darkside of emotions regarding my own infection trauma that is. I have wiggled around it in order to get in front of it and feel like I define it vs. it defining me. I think it might always be there lingering, the pain & confusion & anger of "why me?" but I can't indulge those feelings too often or IT will ruin my current existence which is currently beautiful and way beyond that event.
This 20/20 special is great in my opinion but that might just be because I feel like I 'know' them from following their story for years. The intro is really smarmy but the heart of the interview is solid & good, reminds me of why I want to always feel blessed as a woman, wife, mother...it only takes an instant to turn your world upside, an instant.
Worthy
Been trying to run a lot, days not mileage. 3-5 miles at least a every other day. Foot aches but I feel so much happier when I am out there, moving, moving, moving. Last week also got in a great bike ride & a few good swims. Tried on a wetsuit for the first time ever and surprise...the experience did not entirely suck. Not nearly as difficult to struggle into as I would have thought (or else I just bought a cheap thin suit), once I had it on I immediately looked in the mirror (a girl thing I think) and it did not look terrible. I felt fit & curvy and overall pumped up to get out there in the suit and be swimming with the sharks (not really please) and to earn the fact that I was wearing a wetsuit. A huge new goal for me this year.
The past few days have been an incredible swirl of emotional moments & pondering. Taped Oprah for my mom since it is the final few episodes and immediately found myself sucked in to Rhoda (as Great Grandma used to always call her for some funny reason). Watched the episode about people who have lost over 100lbs and was just struck by the overwhelming theme of confidence and self-worth. I see this on Biggest Loser when I remember to watch. You see pictures of the person 300-400lbs and they appear desperate, sad, lost, and so very unhappy & trapped. Then you see them 'after' and the change is astounding and not thoroughly physical. They are glowing and their voices are strong and they are so happy & confident. It is amazing and so motivating. A man they profiled lost 160 lbs and when he came out he looked like an entirely different human being. Muscles bulging, handsome face, HUGE grin. He was so honest about always being the jokester, always being the first one to make the fat joke about himself. Now he is so much more comfortable with himself but that each day is a challenge, it is a daily battle to stay fit and be healthy. You don't just drop 160 lbs & then live on easy street. I really enjoyed the episode, especially one portion of an overweight mother and her 11 yr old daughter. How one day mom realized how much she was hurting her daughter by not allowing her the viewpoint of pursuing a healthy lifestyle. As a relatively new parent I sometimes forget about the pressure of being a role model for kiddo, it's a tough gig but man does it ever keep me honest in so many ways. I am also struck by a cheesy article I saw in People magazine where something like 6 contestants on Biggest Loser have met, worked out together, sweat & lose weight together for weeks, married & have families whereas on the Bachelor reality shows where everyone is glossy, thin, primped, plucked & 'beautiful'...you have like a single measly success story in years of episodes.
Next episode of O was Fergie, the Duchess and I was amazed at how great it was. SO much insight into how you never really know what is going on inside someone's head, heart or life and when you assume, you are most likely wrong. I was shocked to watch as Fergie was listening to Suz Orman tell her that she was not just financially broken but her value and her self-worth were non-existent. Fergie looked at Suz in a horribly confused way and pleaded with her "Come on now, be honest with me, just TELL me what you mean by self worth, tell me what you are talking about and tell me how to GET it, How do I GET self worth?" That made me cry, for this 50-something woman to have ZERO concept of the feeling of self-worth, it was devastating to watch. I credit my family, friends, community & summer camp Caz for instilling in me a very solid base of self worth. yes, over the years I have taken some wrong turns, dated the wrong people, become engaged to the wrong people, made bad career choices, horrible personal choices, yadda yadda but I have never thought, not even once I don't think, that I wasn't an amazing wonderful human being in some sense or another...that is until I had my kiddo & spent a few months in the shame spiral that is post partum depression. Yet, even in the midst of that spiral I knew how I WANTED to feel, I knew how I always had felt, I was just trying to crawl back there to a place of confidence & light that I had always known & that had always supported me. So in watching that reaction from Fergie it was heartbreaking to see someone who did not appear to ever really know or feel that sense of inner confidence, love & well-being. She had been a wife and is a mother, and to go through those phases of life, without having that core sense of self-worth just made me want to each out and hug her. I am forever thankful again to family, friends and Caz for instilling in me this sense of awesome, sure I have bad days and low days but overall I KNOW what an amazing human being I am and what a profound effect I have on the lives of my loved ones and how much I enjoy almost each & every day.
The past few days have been an incredible swirl of emotional moments & pondering. Taped Oprah for my mom since it is the final few episodes and immediately found myself sucked in to Rhoda (as Great Grandma used to always call her for some funny reason). Watched the episode about people who have lost over 100lbs and was just struck by the overwhelming theme of confidence and self-worth. I see this on Biggest Loser when I remember to watch. You see pictures of the person 300-400lbs and they appear desperate, sad, lost, and so very unhappy & trapped. Then you see them 'after' and the change is astounding and not thoroughly physical. They are glowing and their voices are strong and they are so happy & confident. It is amazing and so motivating. A man they profiled lost 160 lbs and when he came out he looked like an entirely different human being. Muscles bulging, handsome face, HUGE grin. He was so honest about always being the jokester, always being the first one to make the fat joke about himself. Now he is so much more comfortable with himself but that each day is a challenge, it is a daily battle to stay fit and be healthy. You don't just drop 160 lbs & then live on easy street. I really enjoyed the episode, especially one portion of an overweight mother and her 11 yr old daughter. How one day mom realized how much she was hurting her daughter by not allowing her the viewpoint of pursuing a healthy lifestyle. As a relatively new parent I sometimes forget about the pressure of being a role model for kiddo, it's a tough gig but man does it ever keep me honest in so many ways. I am also struck by a cheesy article I saw in People magazine where something like 6 contestants on Biggest Loser have met, worked out together, sweat & lose weight together for weeks, married & have families whereas on the Bachelor reality shows where everyone is glossy, thin, primped, plucked & 'beautiful'...you have like a single measly success story in years of episodes.
Next episode of O was Fergie, the Duchess and I was amazed at how great it was. SO much insight into how you never really know what is going on inside someone's head, heart or life and when you assume, you are most likely wrong. I was shocked to watch as Fergie was listening to Suz Orman tell her that she was not just financially broken but her value and her self-worth were non-existent. Fergie looked at Suz in a horribly confused way and pleaded with her "Come on now, be honest with me, just TELL me what you mean by self worth, tell me what you are talking about and tell me how to GET it, How do I GET self worth?" That made me cry, for this 50-something woman to have ZERO concept of the feeling of self-worth, it was devastating to watch. I credit my family, friends, community & summer camp Caz for instilling in me a very solid base of self worth. yes, over the years I have taken some wrong turns, dated the wrong people, become engaged to the wrong people, made bad career choices, horrible personal choices, yadda yadda but I have never thought, not even once I don't think, that I wasn't an amazing wonderful human being in some sense or another...that is until I had my kiddo & spent a few months in the shame spiral that is post partum depression. Yet, even in the midst of that spiral I knew how I WANTED to feel, I knew how I always had felt, I was just trying to crawl back there to a place of confidence & light that I had always known & that had always supported me. So in watching that reaction from Fergie it was heartbreaking to see someone who did not appear to ever really know or feel that sense of inner confidence, love & well-being. She had been a wife and is a mother, and to go through those phases of life, without having that core sense of self-worth just made me want to each out and hug her. I am forever thankful again to family, friends and Caz for instilling in me this sense of awesome, sure I have bad days and low days but overall I KNOW what an amazing human being I am and what a profound effect I have on the lives of my loved ones and how much I enjoy almost each & every day.
Inspiration Station
This article in Sundays paper was fantastic and so motivating on getting out there & moving your body, NO EXCUSES! Especially if you are healthy without any physical restrictions or limitations (other than ego & pride)... because people with these physical limitations are kicking your ass and they have to work so much harder than someone without those restrictions.
http://santarosa.towns.pressdemocrat.com/2011/05/sports/diabetes-cant-stop-triathlete-annie-bacon/
So I googled the Early Bird Women's Development Team the author mentions just to see what it is about. From first glance I can see that the Team Director also likes to "Barefoot Jump rope on the Bosu Balll" ummmm yeah, so out of my scope of hardcore, big props to you!
http://santarosa.towns.pressdemocrat.com/2011/05/sports/diabetes-cant-stop-triathlete-annie-bacon/
So I googled the Early Bird Women's Development Team the author mentions just to see what it is about. From first glance I can see that the Team Director also likes to "Barefoot Jump rope on the Bosu Balll" ummmm yeah, so out of my scope of hardcore, big props to you!
Drenched
Saw foot doc again & joked that I wish he could just give me a shot to make my foot feel better...funny, that was his plan. Cortisone shot. Hurt like beezus but worth it if it helps. I am on the fence about this doc, he seems to really know his stuff but at the same time calls me sweetie which I think is generational but still irks me. He was also about to shoot up my foot with the cortisone without letting me ask any questions AND if I even wanted to go that route (which I did). I have never had cortisone before and I am a question person for sure. He also gave me a dorky teddy bear in a dress to hold before he did the shot and in my head I am thinking "this is so lame, I have had 20+ moles removed I can handle a little shot" but I squeezed that bear like crazy, turns out foot shots are the worst! As I was leaving I was once again feeling so lucky at this point in life, the open door policy of this doc office allowed me a glimpse of a man getting treated for a terribly burned or 'something' leg all the way up to his knee. Not sure what was going on, maybe diabetes related but having been through a few months of wound care myself in the past, I know it is a really low point physically & mentally. Feeling grateful for my health today and tomorrow.
Cheers to hoping for a painless run on Wednesday! Now on to those Fonda stretches I'm not doing & icing.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Miles
Love the post today by blogger Miles, she echos most of my feelings about running & the benefits to blogging about fitness. Her site is a huge inspiration, I visit it often, her personal race write-ups & runner profiles are fantastic. http://www.mile-posts.com/
Miles Blog:
Using Your Blog as a Training Tool
Blogging has changed my life. It sounds like a dramatic statement,
Miles Blog:
Using Your Blog as a Training Tool
but it's true. It can change your life too and possibly help you
become a faster, more consistent or happier runner.
How?
Blogging and using sites like dailymile or even
How?
Blogging and using sites like dailymile or even
your training. It is harder to skip a run when
you know that what you did or did not do
for the day will be posted for all your friends
or training partners to see.
In order to have a successful relationship with running,
you must do it for yourself.
What do I mean? You are ultimately the only person who can get you out
What do I mean? You are ultimately the only person who can get you out
the door. The only person who can push yourself farther or faster on a run.
You are the person who will have the internal head battle that all of us
runners have. Should I run today? Will I feel better if I run? I'm tired,
maybe sleep is more important today? I ran 2 days this week - I really
deserve a rest day - right? You can not and should not run to impress
others, to make someone else happy~it has to come from with in - in order
for it to become a life long endeavour.
Doing the Jane Fonda
Went to a foot & ankle specialist yesterday for the ache in my foot. It was one of the places with an open door policy, so as I am sitting there waiting I can hear all the conversations & activities around me. I started to feel so blessed & young as I heard patient after patient going on & on about their diabetes, gout, arthritis, and so on. Lots of talk about pain, pain, pain and aching joints. In the room next door I think someone was getting their feet/toenails worked on and the sounds of equipment I heard made me shudder, don't think I ever want to think about feet in combo with a skill-saw type buzz anytime soon!
My doc was a very suave gentleman who used to work for the Oakland A's, with that demeanor that made me want to call him 'Sir' and his old fashion aftershave reminded me of my grandpa. He looked at my x-rays and at first freaked me out with "oh wow, looks like a fracture or bone chip to me!" then he looked at another angle and said "oh never mind, that's normal for both your feet." Whew! He did see a lot of swelling near my site of ache/pain (which my acupuncturist had noticed too but you can't see from an outside view) and then he palpated my foot a great deal as we discussed my running. His final diagnosis was a bone bruise of some sort that will take ice ice ice and orthotics to resolve hopefully.
His number one concern was.....my lack of flexibility & stretching...of course. My albatross. I went to PT for almost a year to resolve issues of my hips & ankles and it was all about my knotted muscles, stretching and again, LACK of flexibility. Ugh. This doctor was quite serious and scolded me like a child, pointing out that if I did not do the right stretching I would not be running in a few years without major pain. So back to doing the Jane Fonda (as I affectionately called the exercises from my PT appointments). Hip raises and leg lifts, calf stretch etc...It is so hard for me to fit these type of 'boring' exercises into my daily routine, I would much rather get out and feel the burn for a 5-7 mile run or bike ride or swim but I MUST figure them into my day somehow or I won't be able to enjoy running, which is my sanity saver for much longer. It is so difficult to do though. Reminds me of putting money into savings or something, it's not anything that you are forced to do but if you don't, you will regret it over time. The whole subject of stretching is still on my mind in relation to things you don't 'have to' do but should for over all long-term health and happiness. Like eating well, not getting down to your last dime in the bank account, practicing meditation or spirituality, planning dates & vacation for the family & friends so you actually do them, keeping up with house chores or laundry or car maintenance, instilling good manners & family rituals with the dude . These aren't issues that will have immediate consequences today but over time they will pay huge dividends. Sigh....ok, off to fit some Jane Fonda into the day.
My doc was a very suave gentleman who used to work for the Oakland A's, with that demeanor that made me want to call him 'Sir' and his old fashion aftershave reminded me of my grandpa. He looked at my x-rays and at first freaked me out with "oh wow, looks like a fracture or bone chip to me!" then he looked at another angle and said "oh never mind, that's normal for both your feet." Whew! He did see a lot of swelling near my site of ache/pain (which my acupuncturist had noticed too but you can't see from an outside view) and then he palpated my foot a great deal as we discussed my running. His final diagnosis was a bone bruise of some sort that will take ice ice ice and orthotics to resolve hopefully.
His number one concern was.....my lack of flexibility & stretching...of course. My albatross. I went to PT for almost a year to resolve issues of my hips & ankles and it was all about my knotted muscles, stretching and again, LACK of flexibility. Ugh. This doctor was quite serious and scolded me like a child, pointing out that if I did not do the right stretching I would not be running in a few years without major pain. So back to doing the Jane Fonda (as I affectionately called the exercises from my PT appointments). Hip raises and leg lifts, calf stretch etc...It is so hard for me to fit these type of 'boring' exercises into my daily routine, I would much rather get out and feel the burn for a 5-7 mile run or bike ride or swim but I MUST figure them into my day somehow or I won't be able to enjoy running, which is my sanity saver for much longer. It is so difficult to do though. Reminds me of putting money into savings or something, it's not anything that you are forced to do but if you don't, you will regret it over time. The whole subject of stretching is still on my mind in relation to things you don't 'have to' do but should for over all long-term health and happiness. Like eating well, not getting down to your last dime in the bank account, practicing meditation or spirituality, planning dates & vacation for the family & friends so you actually do them, keeping up with house chores or laundry or car maintenance, instilling good manners & family rituals with the dude . These aren't issues that will have immediate consequences today but over time they will pay huge dividends. Sigh....ok, off to fit some Jane Fonda into the day.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Biker Chick
Monday, May 9, 2011
Off Road
This video is gorgeous. I am a total pavement junkie but this video is almost enough for me to get over my fear of jungle cats and into the wild. Tomorrow my Puma Nighthawk trail shoes & wetsuit should be here. So excited to try on the trail shoes, not so excited to struggle into a wetsuit for the first time, eeek!
Testing email posting to SugarK
Music for Animals
My brother Eli's band MFA, new single & album awesomeness:
http://citystreets.viinyl.com/?current_referer=&referal_code=3VN7qR
Loving this new tune, it reminds me a bit of the new Train hit song "Save Me San Francisco" which I really do like too (Norcal pride and all) but I can't help wishing MFA were as popular and wildly successful as Train, which has unfortunately gone by the smarmy hip hop track lately. Especially with "Marry Me" out there, really people? When songs like Nervous in New York & If Looks Could Kill exist, the listening public is making Marry Me a hit single?
Come on now people....MFA MFA MFA MFA....
http://citystreets.viinyl.com/?current_referer=&referal_code=3VN7qR
Loving this new tune, it reminds me a bit of the new Train hit song "Save Me San Francisco" which I really do like too (Norcal pride and all) but I can't help wishing MFA were as popular and wildly successful as Train, which has unfortunately gone by the smarmy hip hop track lately. Especially with "Marry Me" out there, really people? When songs like Nervous in New York & If Looks Could Kill exist, the listening public is making Marry Me a hit single?
Come on now people....MFA MFA MFA MFA....
Mama
Had a wonderful Mothers Day~nothing extra-ordinary, quite normal actually but the whole day I kept thinking about Mothers Day. What it means to me and how it is celebrated (emotional vs. tangible for me), I felt myself become a bit of a curmudgeon about the concept of it as a Hallmark holiday, without meaning to. As a parent, really every day is mothers day or fathers day and so today really wasn't any different. Every single day you are asked to report to work: to feed, clean, read, love, care, carry, soothe, discipline, explain, listen...and so on and on and on and on. It sounds a bit like drudgery but it is the very best kind of drudgery. Even on the absolute very worst days ever of parenting dude, it is 100 millions times more full & meaningful than my life before him ever was. I had zero, nada, zilch idea that would be the case before he came along...
I am constantly reminded that I held a very naive vision of parenting/mothering pre-Dude. I thought it would be like I saw in Nora Ephron movies (stylish, cute, hip, always a zinger of a one-liner) or like I read about in childhood stories (comforting, safe, warm, boring, never-changing, a constant). I had no idea it would be so...messy, full, rich, funny, constant, overwhelming, emotional, intertwined. I just never realized how connected my emotions & feelings would be to my kiddo, I did not realize that almost every minute would be taken up with physical touching, talking, servicing, rationalizing, explaining, movement. It is the most unique feeling in the world for me. It is tangible and full feeling, and this particular year in light of recent events for friends & family, I am feeling very blessed to feel complete and happy exactly where I am, today. I do not take that for granted for a minute.
On a much less important note, had quite an interesting day with food. The past few months as I have changed my diet and tried to be more aware of my eating, it has been a crazy journey. Today I had breakfast at CrepeVine with my mom, I knew I 'could' get anything I wanted (I always can, any adult can) but I found myself concentrating on the menu to find something that was healthy but also tasty. They had 5 different Benedict's and I used to be a HUGE Benedict addict. Instead, I got a banana rum crepe with no ice cream or whipped cream (back in the day I would not have thought twice about ice cream or whipped cream @ 10:30am but not having it nearly as much it sounded insanely indulgent and not even appealing). A side of two poached eggs, the meal was fabulous...light enough but I in no way felt like I was on a 'diet.' They brought all the mom's red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting after brunch but I didn't touch mine. My mom couldn't believe it "how do you not want to eat that?" and it was funny, I didn't. I love sweets and pastries and cake as much as the next person but this morning I wasn't really in the mood and so I didn't 'just eat it' because it was in front of me (which again, olden days I would have). I guess that is what they call conscious eating, something that has taken me since age 15 to actually define for myself. Ok, so now I am bored of talking about food and so I'll wrap it up with some fitness/motivation chat. Was out at the coast and it was so windy, the entire ocean was white caps. I started to get terrified thinking about swimming in the ocean for my fall Tri but at the same time I got a little zing of excitement. Why not just try? If it is windy & rough & scary & hard on the day I am asked to jump in the ocean and swim a mile, maybe I don't get very far, maybe I don't do it at all. I do know I want to train this summer like I WILL be doing it in the fall, like I will be out there, white caps or not. After my love for running took hold I couldn't look at a road or a landscape without thinking "oh man, that would be a gorgeous run." Now I do the same with cycling and I get physically jealous when I am in a car and see people spinning down the road, wishing I were on a bike instead of trapped in the car. Now I find myself doing the same with swimming, looking at the inlet of Bodega Bay with windsurfers & thinking it looked safe to swim or Saturday at Spring Lake it was so calm & the water was like glass and I thought "I would so swim in that right now." I love those feelings of wanting to be out there, wanting to try...feelings that I did not always have regarding personal goals, fitness & motivation. I used to think I was missing that gene somehow. It feels good to have the grassroots fire in the belly from me & for me in relation to being physical.
I am constantly reminded that I held a very naive vision of parenting/mothering pre-Dude. I thought it would be like I saw in Nora Ephron movies (stylish, cute, hip, always a zinger of a one-liner) or like I read about in childhood stories (comforting, safe, warm, boring, never-changing, a constant). I had no idea it would be so...messy, full, rich, funny, constant, overwhelming, emotional, intertwined. I just never realized how connected my emotions & feelings would be to my kiddo, I did not realize that almost every minute would be taken up with physical touching, talking, servicing, rationalizing, explaining, movement. It is the most unique feeling in the world for me. It is tangible and full feeling, and this particular year in light of recent events for friends & family, I am feeling very blessed to feel complete and happy exactly where I am, today. I do not take that for granted for a minute.
On a much less important note, had quite an interesting day with food. The past few months as I have changed my diet and tried to be more aware of my eating, it has been a crazy journey. Today I had breakfast at CrepeVine with my mom, I knew I 'could' get anything I wanted (I always can, any adult can) but I found myself concentrating on the menu to find something that was healthy but also tasty. They had 5 different Benedict's and I used to be a HUGE Benedict addict. Instead, I got a banana rum crepe with no ice cream or whipped cream (back in the day I would not have thought twice about ice cream or whipped cream @ 10:30am but not having it nearly as much it sounded insanely indulgent and not even appealing). A side of two poached eggs, the meal was fabulous...light enough but I in no way felt like I was on a 'diet.' They brought all the mom's red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting after brunch but I didn't touch mine. My mom couldn't believe it "how do you not want to eat that?" and it was funny, I didn't. I love sweets and pastries and cake as much as the next person but this morning I wasn't really in the mood and so I didn't 'just eat it' because it was in front of me (which again, olden days I would have). I guess that is what they call conscious eating, something that has taken me since age 15 to actually define for myself. Ok, so now I am bored of talking about food and so I'll wrap it up with some fitness/motivation chat. Was out at the coast and it was so windy, the entire ocean was white caps. I started to get terrified thinking about swimming in the ocean for my fall Tri but at the same time I got a little zing of excitement. Why not just try? If it is windy & rough & scary & hard on the day I am asked to jump in the ocean and swim a mile, maybe I don't get very far, maybe I don't do it at all. I do know I want to train this summer like I WILL be doing it in the fall, like I will be out there, white caps or not. After my love for running took hold I couldn't look at a road or a landscape without thinking "oh man, that would be a gorgeous run." Now I do the same with cycling and I get physically jealous when I am in a car and see people spinning down the road, wishing I were on a bike instead of trapped in the car. Now I find myself doing the same with swimming, looking at the inlet of Bodega Bay with windsurfers & thinking it looked safe to swim or Saturday at Spring Lake it was so calm & the water was like glass and I thought "I would so swim in that right now." I love those feelings of wanting to be out there, wanting to try...feelings that I did not always have regarding personal goals, fitness & motivation. I used to think I was missing that gene somehow. It feels good to have the grassroots fire in the belly from me & for me in relation to being physical.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Being Human
Ran the 10k Human Race today for the umpteenth time but it was the first time I ran it solo. Usually I run with Ladykins or Awesome but this year if I was going to do it, it would be solo. Wasn't even sure I was going to run it until I actually got out the door the morning of. Stayed up late the night before giving myself an out if 6:15am came too early...but I got up, showered, ate (learned my lesson at P10) and just kinda pushed myself out the door without the option of bailing. It was a gorgeous morning and although I had butterflies about going it alone (always so much fun to share race energy with someone) I was SO happy I did it once I got to the race. So many people, costumes, energy, strollers, dogs, kids and the most perfect spring weather. It was totally rad and I was so proud of myself for going it alone.
Usually I just have the goal of starting & finishing a race but lately I have felt this teeny tiny buzz of competition building in my belly. "What if..." the bubbling seems to say, what if you tried a bit harder, pushed it a bit, went for it when you felt good, what if...I lap swim like I run, sloooooow but the other day I power swam the last 4 laps of my workout and I was hauling and it was exhilarating. Surprised myself that I could actually pull it out when I want to. For the 10k I felt great, body had zero issues (with the exception of my top of the foot constant ache, getting it checked out next week) and I felt strong and comfortable. Did hit the restroom twice which ate up time and I blame it on nerves, since I secretly knew I was going to try a bit harder on this run. I really did push it for myself, I sped up when I felt good and I kicked it to high gear on the downhills. Usually I just casually jog behind people but today if people were going too slow or I felt they were making me go slow, I politely passed them and it felt empowering and energizing. Overall the race was stellar, have no idea what my time was, I need to look that up but I felt fabulous. I sprinted the final .2 and when I hit the finish I had so much more power, I could have gone a few more miles. Always the best feeling.
Since I was solo I lounged at the after faire and got two huge bags of swag, had a lengthy conversation with Saucony rep about minimalist shoes (awesome info), met an old teacher from SSU counseling & really felt great about seeing her (I think of her often as she is the one who hooked me on saying "kiddos" before I even had one). I'm also proud of myself for doing the 'right' thing. I walked past the greyhound rescue booth and saw the man & his wife who helped me adopt Ari who got returned for biting dude. At first I felt shy and walked on by thinking I would just let it go but then I turned around and walked up and said "Hi John..." and they were wonderful, I had not spoken with them since I returned Ari & assumed they thought I was an awful dog person. They could not have been nicer and I left chatting with them feeling great about my decision and also proud to have not skirted the encounter.
The race itself is just an overall awesome event and is so well coordinated & fun. I loved the costumes, the energy, the 'feel' of this being a huge community event, I enjoyed being lapped by energetic 10 yr old soccer players who bobbed and weaved through the crowd before they pooped out at mile 4. I teared up near the end when I ran next to one of the centipede running teams and I read their banner "Support group for young widows & widowers" and felt so thankful for my current state of happiness and fullness of life. For most of the race I was behind a man in a bright yellow t-shirt with the words on the back "Change a life~Be a Foster Parent" and I have been toying with that idea for a little while, to run behind those words for close to 6 miles made me go "hmmmmmmm....."
Usually I just have the goal of starting & finishing a race but lately I have felt this teeny tiny buzz of competition building in my belly. "What if..." the bubbling seems to say, what if you tried a bit harder, pushed it a bit, went for it when you felt good, what if...I lap swim like I run, sloooooow but the other day I power swam the last 4 laps of my workout and I was hauling and it was exhilarating. Surprised myself that I could actually pull it out when I want to. For the 10k I felt great, body had zero issues (with the exception of my top of the foot constant ache, getting it checked out next week) and I felt strong and comfortable. Did hit the restroom twice which ate up time and I blame it on nerves, since I secretly knew I was going to try a bit harder on this run. I really did push it for myself, I sped up when I felt good and I kicked it to high gear on the downhills. Usually I just casually jog behind people but today if people were going too slow or I felt they were making me go slow, I politely passed them and it felt empowering and energizing. Overall the race was stellar, have no idea what my time was, I need to look that up but I felt fabulous. I sprinted the final .2 and when I hit the finish I had so much more power, I could have gone a few more miles. Always the best feeling.
Since I was solo I lounged at the after faire and got two huge bags of swag, had a lengthy conversation with Saucony rep about minimalist shoes (awesome info), met an old teacher from SSU counseling & really felt great about seeing her (I think of her often as she is the one who hooked me on saying "kiddos" before I even had one). I'm also proud of myself for doing the 'right' thing. I walked past the greyhound rescue booth and saw the man & his wife who helped me adopt Ari who got returned for biting dude. At first I felt shy and walked on by thinking I would just let it go but then I turned around and walked up and said "Hi John..." and they were wonderful, I had not spoken with them since I returned Ari & assumed they thought I was an awful dog person. They could not have been nicer and I left chatting with them feeling great about my decision and also proud to have not skirted the encounter.
The race itself is just an overall awesome event and is so well coordinated & fun. I loved the costumes, the energy, the 'feel' of this being a huge community event, I enjoyed being lapped by energetic 10 yr old soccer players who bobbed and weaved through the crowd before they pooped out at mile 4. I teared up near the end when I ran next to one of the centipede running teams and I read their banner "Support group for young widows & widowers" and felt so thankful for my current state of happiness and fullness of life. For most of the race I was behind a man in a bright yellow t-shirt with the words on the back "Change a life~Be a Foster Parent" and I have been toying with that idea for a little while, to run behind those words for close to 6 miles made me go "hmmmmmmm....."
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Newbie
Online journal for my own amusement & reference to track my feelings, thoughts & progress in fitness and life. Writings about races, workout, goals, food, race information & listings, and celebrity smut that makes me laugh or things you just never forget (Like Felicity actress Kerri Russel's son's name is River & her husband is a contractor, why I remember this I have no idea). life pondering and such. Let the fun begin....let's do this thing!
Everything I want to do in life I write on post its, chores, To Do lists, groceries, races to register for, the outfit I want to wear tomorrow...it all goes on post-its and then those post-its go in a pile. I review the post-it's and consolidate...yup, more post-its. Hoping this journal will help me consolidate some of the things that are constantly running thru my brain and reduce my post-it consumption. Cheers to keeping me honest about my fitness/life goals! Also hoping it will be the hub for great conversation & comments about all things fitness and LIFE.
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