Was just looking through running sites today & races while itching to be out running. I have taken the past two days off to rest my foot & prep for a 8-10 miler tomorrow on my non-aching foot, excited. Cheers to hoping the cortisone shot did the trick. Also battling that gross non puking flu bug going around, where you feel really gross but not quite as bad as you could feel (puking). Kinda grosses me out to think of all the peeps I know who have this, germs and cootie bugs abound, ick!
Read an article today "hardest workout in SF" and it was about a boxing workout that is super hardcore & an insane workout. Fun to read about it, got me jazzed for being super fit...but a part of me was thinking "well, sounds fun but it's not running." The feeling really cemented my passion for running. I enjoy yoga, swimming, cycling & a good cardio workout or session on the elliptical...but I LOVE and crave running like nothing else. When I'm swimming or doing yoga I feel physical & healthy but I don't feel like it is my 'escape' and I am usually not 100% relaxed. When I run I am so in the ZONE, I do it because I feel free, relaxed, away from any stress or worry...it is my BLISS. I dream about it, I ponder races & routes & gear & songs I want to be running to.
Back in the day when I used to spend my time & money chatting with Dr.V (counselor) she innocently asked what my hobbies were and I felt confused. "Hobbies, like what do you mean?" Then I started to cry realizing how super duper lost I felt, not just since having a baby but really since high school, about the time I started changing my likes & interests to match those of my friends or boyfriends. Why? I can't remember why but I slowly morphed into this very 'adaptable' person, I didn't actually mind but in hindsight it is sad to think about. I am always reminded of the Runaway Bride and how the main character has NO idea on how she likes her eggs prepared, she always changed her preference to match her current mate. Dammit, I really wanted to know how I liked my eggs at age 35! I went home & over the next week I covered a few pages with my 'likes'...camping, swimming, reading, chick flick movies, the lifetime network, rich red wine, chinese food, jazzercise songs, chocolate, ice cream, taking a nap in the afternoon with dude, Calistoga, caz, chatting with my mom, Frank Sinatra, hiking with my husband, slumber parties, candy, people magazine, eating, Jamesons, the river on summer days, sushi, wearing my skinny pants, laughing really hard, nursing my son, writing cards and so on....the list went on & on and I felt so much better about myself realizing that there were things I really did like on my own, not connected to anyone else and their interests. I actually do have interests & preferences on how to spend my time and what makes me feel content & happy. Yet, I still didn't feel that I had a 'hobby' like scrapbooking or knitting or riding horses or archery, something that I wanted to spend my time & energy & money doing, a hobby that allowed me time off from being a mama that I actually wanted to do.
Fast forward a few years and I can confidently say that I know in my bones that running is my hobby. I gladly spend my time, energy & money on running and running events. I spend enormous amounts of energy juggling our family schedule & babysitting to get my running desires met. Always pondering where I can run, when I can run, what I can buy that will make me feel better, stronger & happier while running. I am a better wife & mother & friend because I indulge my love of running & I feed that part of my soul that reminds me that aside from all my obligations as a mom & partner, I am still an individual with my own interests & desires. When I am running I am at peace, happy & content, as I imagine people who knit feel :-) My name is Yaya and I am a runner.
My name is Blondie and I love riding horses. I love this post today. It reminds me of the many phases I've gone through in finding myself and my desires and the way I like my eggs - Poached atop some great toast. I too went to see the Runaway Bride and thought, hey- I don't know myself and then figured out on my own as a singleton what I love and need from life. Then it all changes and today I have different needs than I did 10 years ago, different hobbies and passions. Actually, today I'm totally obsessed with how I'm gonna get back in that Dressage ring and smell like a horse again....
ReplyDeletexoxoxo Love the blog, love you!
Blondie.... Hmmmmm we can also change your name to Rider/Ryder due to your love of two wheel & four legged riding! Thank you so much for sharing your passion for dressage with me! I am thrilled to take a lesson & get a super duper core workout while spending time with such a gorgeous powerful beast, hope I get a retired racer ;-) not! So happy you are stoking the fire in your heart for dressage & smelling like horse, so proud :-). Thx for mentioning how passions & desires change over time, sooooo true.
ReplyDeleteBirds of a feather flock together...poached eggs on toast is my FAV. I think this is gonna be a fantastic journey for you & I, bring it on LIFE!
I also just gotta say I think we are unique chicks, poached eggs are a rare favorite for people. Scrambled or sunny side or over easy are big hits... Poached lovers are a different breed, we're radical that way!
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate to the lack of hobby issue. Cooking and gardening would be what I would say are my hobbies if someone asked, but I never get the time to go out and garden, and cooking is always at least partly a chore that needs to be done so my family can eat- not the true definition of a hobby. As a self-employed person, I put clients ahead of myself. As a wife, I put my husband ahead of myself. As a mother, I put my kids ahead of myself. And then I get overwhelmed and bitter when no one helps me or does their part. Usually, this is not so bad, but once in a while I have a moment about it. Some days I just want the time to go get my hair cut, or go to the gym, or just watch one TV show without three people talking over it. Yet it's been over a year since I got a haircut. My husband does not have these issues. He has no qualms about saying, "Oh no, I'm doing something for me, so I can't do something for you."
ReplyDeleteWord. Jen you are so spot on. This especially rings true for me "then I get overwhelmed and bitter when no one helps me or does their part." I used to make dinner, get kiddo ready for bed, put kiddo down, come out from bedtime chore and start clearing the table and do the dishes and my husband would yell from the other room "whatcha doing in there?" and I seriously had to hold myself back from going all 70's sitcom-style on him and grabbing a vase to throw towards his head. When I finally worked through my own bitterness and rage I saw that I was jealous of his confidence in NOT doing so many chores. He had worked really hard all day and when he had 20 min of downtime he was not going to clear the table or do the dishes right that moment. He didn't expect me to do it either (of course, that meant I would just have to do it the following morning, blech) but he did have a point in saying "come here and hang out with me now, save the chores for later." For months it rubbed me the wrong way but lately I have let it go & the kitchen will stay a mess for hours and then when I go to clean up after chilling out for a short while, I will no longer have those feelings of bitterness or vase throwing urges...odd. Woman, you must make the time for a haircut and TV show, I will come over there and help you get that taken care of :-)
ReplyDeleteJen thank you for voicing something I have been feeling a lot. I was just updating one of my online profiles and all the interests and hobbies I had before I had kids were laughable. Yoga? Swimming? Reading? ha! I do those things so rarely it would be silly to call them hobbies. I used to love to cook too and now it's a freakin miracle every time a home cooked meal hits the table. I too am self-employed. I feel overwhelmed not having enough time to my work, much less my kids, my husband (who's that?), my friends, and last but not least, myself! I don't think I am even enjoying the few moments of "me" time I get during the week at this point. I am so desperate to figure out how to fit in "me" time (and not start my day irked every morning at 6:30 when my son wakes up our entire family), I am considering getting up at 5:30 and meditating and/or jogging. For anyone that knows me getting up at that hour is an act of desperation!
ReplyDeleteI do know you woman and in order to get up at 5:30 for "you" time, you will need to go to bed at 8pm to get in your sleep time! Which I say is not unrealistic a few times a week, every day? Maybe not. A few times a week of early bed and 5:30 crack of dawn rising might actually work wonders. It is so insanely gorgeous outside at 6am right now, any way you can get out the door for a jog at that time and come back at 6:45-7 AFTER kiddo has woken up (taken care of by husband) and so you feel at least for a few morning s week like you & not the little one are in charge of when you wake? Then the other mornings, husband sleeps in and you rise with kiddo?
ReplyDeleteI can say from experience that getting woken up by a kiddo every single morning is soul sucking & truly takes it's toll, I know :-( For me who touted the neon sign "The breastaurant is ALWAYS open" for way too long, I would be up a few times a night nursing & then in the morning would be the farthest thing from rested, which really was of no good for anyone :-( So I do say whatever you can do to get yourself in a position where you feel a bit more control & sanity, Do it. Took me 3 yrs to find my groove, I pray you find that groove sooner!
I recently heard a great line "I'm a parent, so my hobby is being an adult!" which is sad but true, we pour so much of ourselves into our kiddos that it is truly a hobby or special occasion to have some free time to be an adult, a single entity, solo, numero uno... I am no expert but I can say from experience (and counseling!) that finding a way to carve out even the tiniest niche for myself, swimming, running, reading (and I consider reading People Magazine on the internet 'reading', sure it's not the classics but it'll do pig, it'll do) has had a profound effect on my sense of well-being........and has quite certainly tamed that wild crazy look in my eyes that used to have my husband backing away from me slowly. So find that niche and carve it out, you deserve it.