Kumar

This week I ventured into a new shoe store (Dansko & Earth-yeah!) downtown & had a good chat with the woman working there.  After a few minutes of casual chatting, she mentioned that if I was a town native than I might have known her brother Kumar, who passed away a few years ago.  Immediately I teared up...yes, I knew Kumar and I think about him a few times a week.  His memory is quite connected to my running actually.  He was such a vibrant physical & spiritual being, in high school I always remember him being in drama or soccer.  Every time I saw him he looked the same: golden boy, huge smile and always, always, always a happy go lucky kind word or phrase.  Whenever I run (usually by his parents home) I think of him and try to honor him by relishing my life & my body & appreciating being alive & using my full potential each day because I can.

When I think of people I have lost in my life like grandparents, I feel sad & miss their presence but I am comforted by the fact that they all had wonderful full & rich lives.  When I think of Kumar I almost always get a wave a fear, that life is unpredictable & unfair at times...that young people in the glorious prime of their lives are suddenly gone.  Life can change in an instant, even for those who are physically & spiritually strong and seemingly rooted to the earth.  The reality of life that sons & brothers can be taken away is sometimes too much for me to ponder, being both a mother & a sister.  It is this wave of fear that makes me appreciate every day with my own golden boy, The Dude.  To try and focus on his smile, his laugh, his cries, his humor, and even his melt downs.

The thought of Kumar for me is two-fold:  his spirit motivates me to live my best life while I am able & to push hard physically and respect my body & enjoy it and to find and follow my passions.  Emotionally, I am inspired to make connections with my loved ones that are tangible and alive with love & learning, letting them know through word or action every day that I am giving them my best & I am focused on them & how important they are to me.  That THEY, and nothing else, are truly what sustains me & makes my daily life what it is~a tightly woven blanket of human connections & experiences.

Thank you Kumar for all you have given me & continue to give.  You are deeply missed, I feel your presence & inspiration so often~when I am out running or looking at my son dancing around & laughing & so full of life, I think of you and all that you are.

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